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My spouse wishes a lover that is lesbian does it end our marriage?

My spouse wishes a lover that is lesbian does it end our marriage?


For 12 years, my relationship with my partner has been a great one in all aspects. We love one another dearly and our sex-life is fantastic.

But about eight months ago my spouse started initially to ask in a playful, non-serious way the way I would feel concerning the concept of having another woman join us for sex sessions. I was thinking she had been responded and joking appropriately.

3 months ago my wife explained she had come to realise that she ended up being bisexual. She asked once more how I felt about an other woman joining us every so often, or about her having a relationship with a woman occasionally if I was not comfortable with this, how would I felt?

She guaranteed me personally it might never ever impact the grade of our relationship whatsoever.

We informed her I happened to be unhappy about either situation, but that she had taken me personally by shock and I also required a while to give some thought to it. Briefly a while later we informed her myself engaged in any kind of sexual relationship with anyone else that I could not live in a relationship where either my wife or.

I am aware that a lot of guys would love the idea probably of getting two females during intercourse, however it’s crucial that you me personally which our sex-life continues to be ‘ours only’. In my own heart personally i think that it would spell the end of the relationship in the long run if she took another lover.

A couple of weeks ago my spouse dropped another bombshell.

She explained that she was in fact thinking it over since our last conversation and she felt I happened to be being unjust. She said the simple fact that she knows she actually is bisexual implies that regardless of how much we love the other person, with no matter exactly how good our sex-life is, she will not be completely satisfied in one single part of her life.

She states she seems so it’s just adultery if she would be to sleep with another man, nevertheless the extremely proven fact that we am male means it is impossible for me personally to fulfil her in this part of her sex, and she must be permitted to explore this part of her nature.

We stuck to my firearms about this matter, but she stated that she felt that she will have to end the wedding, against her wishes, because she needed to at the very least experience intercourse with a female. That’s where we left it.

Have always been i must say i being unreasonable become so against her having a lover that is female? We can’t stay the basic notion of losing her, specially when she will not desire our relationship to get rid of. Am we being unfair to her or less than understanding not to ever allow the marriage to keep if she’s a lover that is female?


David writes:

You are in a horrible situation here and I also’m extremely sorry certainly to know about this. No, I do not think you are being at all ‘unreasonable’ or ‘unfair’. Numerous husbands would not were as understanding as you have been, and could have simply ‘gone from the deep end’.

Because of the means, from past experience, I would state it is very likely that the spouse currently has some other woman in your mind. She may even have gone a way later on to a relationship that is physical her.

This can be all really sad, because there’s a high possibility that it is going to end up in the termination of the wedding. The most readily useful hope will be for you personally as well as your missus to get together for counselling. Relate are accustomed to coping with these ‘three in a bed’ problems and they’ve got branches in your county.

Christine adds:

We too have always been really sorry to listen to of one’s situation. It appears in my experience that anything you do, or whatever your spouse chooses to accomplish, your relationship is not likely to be just like it had been.

Nonetheless, that will not mean this has become terrible. Personally I think by using such love between you, it may be possible to save the marriage, though it is not going to be easy as you have.

I would personally say that Relate counselling is crucial. May I additionally claim that you contact an organization called FFLAG. This is short for Friends and categories of Lesbians and Gays. They must be in a position to offer somebody to help you speak to – anyone who has undergone everything you’re being forced to work through now. Their helpline numbers are 01454 852418 or 00845-6520314.

You have possessed a hell of a surprise, but while you state your spouse has been truthful to you – as far as we could inform. If you are prepared to work hard to save your marriage so you do need to ask yourself. If you should be to truly save it, it’s going to require compromise on both sides.

Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, intercourse and relationships expert